Vulva Interview: with Cactus Blossom

This is a recurring interview that the TFC blog conducts with random women. The idea is to show how varied and unique each woman's sexual experience can be. To protect the interviewee's privacy, she will be identified as her favorite flower.

TFC: Age?

CB: 29

TFC: When is the last time you looked at your vulva?

CB: Hmmm...in the last six to 12 months. I don't remember exactly.

TFC: What does it look like to you?

CB: It looks like...well, it makes me think of a cabbage. A fruit or a vegetable with many layers, and the layers inside are the tenderest.

TFC: Age at first orgasm and how did you achieve it?

CB: I had just turned 12. I had received my second or third issue of Seventeen, and there was a column called "Sex and Your Body," and that particular month, the title of the column was "Is This Normal?", and it was about masturbation. In the bathroom, I fished around (ha) to see if I, too, had this mysterious clitoris they talked about, and voila! There it was! I guess that was my first orgasm, or maybe first arousal - the first orgasm may have been when I realized we had a detachable shower head. Then it was like, daily.

TFC: What does an orgasm feel like to you? Do you have a definition for orgasm?

CB: It feels like...a wave. Like being a wave. It builds, it crests, it breaks, it recedes, it builds up again.

TFC: When was your most recent orgasm and what were the circumstances?

CB: Yesterday. Oral sex with boyfriend. Sofa in the living room.

TFC: Have you ever had trouble reaching orgasm? if so, how did it make you feel?

CB: Oh, God, yes. I've never achieved a vaginal orgasm from intercourse. It feels good, it just doesn't make me come. When I think about it, it kinda makes me feel disordered and inadequate.

TFC: What did you do to overcome?

CB: I haven't. Either I'll figure it out, somehow, or I'll accept that other orgasms are enough. I like having a clitoral orgasm (from clit stimulation) during sex - that's like the best of both worlds.

TFC: Have any nicknames for your vulva?

CB: None that I feel like sharing. :-)

TFC: What is the best piece of sex advice you've ever received?

CB: When I was 23, my wise, bold friend M___ told me that I should never, ever feel like I "owe" it to a partner in a casual encounter to do a particular thing, like give them a blow job. "You're a queen," she told me. "Do what you want, and nothing else. You don't owe anyone anything." I think generosity is important in sex, but I had
been operating from the assumption (without realizing it) that my main purpose was satisfying the other person and fulfilling some kind of duty, even if it was a one-night stand.

(TFC is always looking for more women's vulva perspectives. If you're interested in sharing yours, please send an email to info@maraaltman.com)